I think I want pills. Some anti depressant or something. I don’t know if I need them but I want them. I’m sick of these downs. I’m sick of having at least on emotional breakdown a day and spending the rest of day obsessing over self hatred and paranoia that everyone is going to get tired of me. I’m sick of feeling everything at once and being unable to show any of if. I’m sick of feeling crazy. I’m sick of feeling sick. I wanna feel nothing. I wanna he immune to ups and downs. My ups aren’t worth these downs anymore.
I”M SO FUCKING SICK OF CRYING EVERY FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF THEN BEING TIRED EVERY FUCKING DAY BECAUSE I SPENT ALL NIGHT CRYING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF.